Hollywood Phone Calls

Why doesn’t anyone in Hollywood understand how to properly use a phone?

This observation may not sink in with you immediately, but the next time you get to see a Hollywood phone conversation on your favorite show you’ll agree with exactly what I’m about to describe here.

Actors in the movies and on television hang up on the person they are speaking to without ever ending the conversation like a typical person would in the real world.  Pay attention next time you see a Hollywood phone call in progress and you’ll understand exactly what I’m talking about.

Jack says into his phone, “I need the schematics made available immediately.”  The person on the other end of the phone says, “Alright.  I’ll get right on that.”  Click!  And he hangs up!

You wouldn’t do that in the real world.  No one said goodbye.  In the real world there would be at least an additional question or a concluding statement.

“Anything else?”

Jack says, “No.”

“Ok then.  I’ll talk to you later.”

Jack should then conclude with an “Ok. Bye.”  And then the hang up would occur.

What if Jack was about to add to the conversation, “and there is a bomb in your building.”  The guy on the other end of the phone would have had no clue.  He probably deserves to get blown up for exercising poor phone protocol.

I’ve seen basically the exact same conversation played out with Jack being the one who hangs up on the person he called too.

Jack says into his phone, “I need the schematics made available immediately.”  The person on the other end of the phone says, “Alright.  I’ll get right on that.”  Click!  And then Jack hangs up on him!

In this scenario, I always feel bad for the guy who has no chance to ask a follow-on question that he may have.

“Jack, I need to know what floor of the building you need the schematics for.  Hello?  Hello?”  And then he thinks to himself, “That stupid loser just hung up on me!  I don’t remember saying goodbye.  Screw him and his schematics.  Let him find the bomb all by himself.  I’m going to lunch.”

Boom!

And then there are the more romantic Hollywood phone calls.  Same thing happens here too.  No one in the real world ever hangs up on someone they care for after someone says something like “I miss you” or “I can’t wait to see you again”.

Try this on your significant other.  After they say “I miss you”, you say “I miss you too” and then just hang the phone up.  I guarantee you’ll be getting a call back in ten seconds or less.

“Why did you just hang up on me?”

“I thought we were done talking.”

“Maybe I don’t miss you so much now.”

Boom!

Buy my book.  Alright?  I’m still on the line waiting for a response.

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19 responses to “Hollywood Phone Calls

  1. Excellent! I love the boom! Thank you for having visited my site…I will see if I can figure out how to follow your future posts.

  2. Of all the things in movies that have no parallel in REAL LIFE you zeroed in on a lack of phone etiquette. You are a funny guy! Personally I’d go with the seemingly indestructible nature of the human body as portrayed in action films. But, my new favorite (see Aug. 26th post) is the current Hollywood obsession with time travel.
    I have been so diverted by your blog’s written content that I missed a close look at your Header photo. Is that a lobster and chocolate pudding?
    My worst ever lobster experience took place in Maine when a very refined elderly Southern Gentleman seated at our table demonstrated how to access and eat the yucky greenish “inners”. I later found out that this delicacy called tomalley is the creature’s liver. Sure, let’s eat the organ that functions by filtering all manner of evil from the lobster’s system.

    • Nasty… The picture is a crawfish (crayfish? dunno which is correct, and I’m too lazy to look it up). And you should know that I didn’t eat any of it. Wasteful, I know. But the pudding was delicious.

  3. lol… That’s funny!

  4. Oh see…I have been watching Hollywood do this for a long time.. I thought that is how it was supposed to be done. No wonder I can’t keep any friends.

    Quick Question. Should I not stop pause and stare, looking in the opposite direction of the person I am talking to? Then raise one eyebrow with my mouth slightly agape? I see them do that in soap operas so I have been doing that for years. Once I caught a fly.

    x,
    Becca
    Ladyornot.com

  5. Haha, funny and true. Pretty much every show or movie I watch, including the spanish ones, they NEVER say bye. Wtf, I wonder why that is.

  6. Thank you for your amusing commentary.
    Click.

  7. You just made me laugh out loud. I’ve also totally wondered how they think anyone actually gets away with that! There are times when I’ve wanted to do it, but you just can’t. You just can’t-*click… oh, drat…. beep beep beep beep beep beep boop beep….Sorry about that….Like I was saying, Fantastic post. You rock! 🙂

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