Don’t Be Mad

It finally happened.  I pissed someone off while writing my blog for entertaining purposes.

I’ve been at this blogging thing for a hand full of months now.  I started somewhere in June and have accumulated over 4000 views, over 500 likes, over 200 followers, and six e-mail subscribers  (come on people, let me send some spam to your e-mail inbox).  My blog seems to be a popular little concept and my shoulder hurts from patting myself on the back.  I think I heard my rotator cuff tear.  No worries, I’ll type the rest of this with just one hand.

If you add all those up, you’ll get over 4706.  And you’ll get the math problem wrong for adding up items that are not in the same category.  With any luck you’ll receive a passing grade based on partial credit by the time you reach the end of this entry.  Keep trying, you’ll catch on and be a mathematical whiz in no time.

So on September 21st I received the following one liner from someone who remained anonymous by using the name “Someone”.

“Someone:  You should be put down for writing this.  I hope your children get hit by a car while crossing the street.”

Wow!  That’s harsh.

This comment was sent to me pertaining to a blog entry I wrote back in early July.  You can read it here for yourself.  The article was an attempt at humor (like almost all of my articles) in which the voices in my head starting yelling at me while I was observing my world.

At the time of me writing this entry (the one you are reading right now), there have been two positive hey-that’s-funny comments attached to the “offensive” article and nine bloggers “liked” it.

I wrote that over two months ago.  This means that you have to dig through my blog archive in order to find it.  Or you have to actually search for the topic specifically.  Perhaps this person was wading through my archive before stumbling upon the entry that caused them mental peril.  I’m guessing that the offended person searched through my archive and read at least two other stories from my voices in my head.  I suspect that “Someone” would not enjoy my articles no matter what the subject.

“Well, those two articles were not funny, but I’ll bet the next one will make me smile.”  Click.  “Oh, now I’m completely pissed off.”

And who says “put down” when referring to a human?  Maybe that is some sort of legal mumbo jumbo to ensure deniable plausibility.  “I didn’t murder him.  I simply put him down.  He was getting heavy and I was growing tired of carrying him around.”

I went back and reread the entry twice.  Not a single bird was hurt during the writing of that entry.  In fact, through humor, I was suggesting that we humans work together in harmony (like that old Coke commercial) to train these creatures to stay off the streets.  Sort of.  Ok, at the end of the article I did suggest that hunting of these animals should be increased at the northern border of my country.  But, as implied in all hunting, the carcasses should be used to feed the needy and hungry.  How about a nice Christmas goose on your table this year?

Pertaining to Someone’s comment that wishes harm upon my children, I’ll say it again: Wow!  I’m raising good, caring boys and I am a loving father and husband.  To wish them harm because I don’t care for a particular type of bird is kind of crazy-go-nuts.  I don’t care for a whole bunch of insects, perhaps we should go after my neighbor’s children too.

Perhaps when I taught my boys street safety rules so long ago, I should have gone about it differently.

“Now boys, when crossing the street don’t bother to look both ways.  Just hiss like you’re completely irritated with the cars existence and then start walking.”

So my question for “Someone” is this:  Do you own a car?  How many ants, spiders, and caterpillars do you “put down” every time you go for a drive?   I wish all of your toenails would fall off.  No wait, I think that would be a good thing.  See here.  Ah, never mind.  Just live your life in peace and may God bless you.

I read the response from “Someone” to my family—including my boys.  One of my sons loves to read my blog and is always looking over my shoulder when I’m typing.  My wife and I have always treated them like actual real live members of this world.  He said, “Dad, you should write a response to that for your next blog entry.”

I said, “The last thing I want is a PETA war on my blog.”

He said, “Do you know how much publicity that will get you?”

Ah, the wisdom of twelve year old (who also knows how to look both ways when crossing the street).

My son says, “Buy my book or I’ll hit you with my car!

40 responses to “Don’t Be Mad

  1. Shame on this someone…Who writes or says things like that…shame on them.

  2. How can people go through life without humor? Some people seem to have been born without a funny bone, and it’s obvious you write tongue-in-cheek. I love how involved your family is in your blog, Marcus. Your boys are awesome!

  3. Your kids sound smart. 😉 And um, really, NO-ONE (because “Someone” is too nice a word for that person) obviously has nothing better to do than start shit. I really hate when people come here to start trouble. If you don’t get humor (that’s so sad) then get the eff out, why leave a comment! ESPECIALLY one like that, bringing your kids into it. That was just cruel and unnecessary. I hope that NO-ONE gets their path blocked with geese EVERY DAY and see how they like it.

  4. Gotta love brilliant people hide behind anonymity. I feel sorry for that person. Oh well at least you can see the humor in it.

  5. Oh man that was really rude of that someone!

  6. Wow. That’s harsh. Good for you for turning it around and making a super funny post of it, and for taking the high road and being classy in the face of their nastiness. That’s flassy = funny + classy. Huh, ok, that’s a word that’s probably not going to catch on. Anyway, nice post. 🙂

  7. Don’t let it get to you. (Easier said than done, right?) It was clearly an over-reaction, and I’m glad you’ve used it as grist for a post.

  8. I’m a little tipsy (wow, it took me three tries to spell that and I’m supposed to be a writer). Anywho, with that being said. I better just stick with my elegant “like” up above. I keep waiting for the day when I’m going to tick someone off. My blog is pretty tame, but in real life I push buttons…it’s a natural ability. One of these days, I will post a similar post. I’ll keep you posted. : )

  9. That sucks. Sounds like “someone” is deranged. They should buy your book, and lighten up. You can buy your kids an ice cream with the money from the book sale. And God Bless you and your kids. There. I cancelled out the curse they tried to whack you with, and gave you ice cream instead, by the grace of God.

  10. Where do you LIVE, dude? That when it’s 1:19 AM, and that is bad enough, YOUR blog tells me it is FIVE nineteen AM when I post a comment. Sheesh! (Just kidding. I don’t want you to tell me where you live, because then the deranged “someone” can find you too. I am just rambling … Totally ignore me.)

    • You shall not be ignored. I think the time that wordpress uses is based on the zero degree longitude–maybe. I notice that my stats flip to the “next day” at what is 8pm for me. I’m in the good old state of Ohio (USA)–but dont tell anyone.

  11. There are trolls out there that write comments like that merely to get a rise out of you. It’s almost the blog equivalent of a prank phone call. Just ignore or delete it and move on. Don’t even bother to reply to the wally

  12. LOL… Okay now I get how an animal lover might get a bit bent out of shape… But YOUR KIDSzzzz? Over ducks? Why do people always make themselves look like jokes when they are trying to defend something? I guess that is the point here. hey? But couldn’t ya have left out the visual of them trying to fly away? I mean really? I am probably one of those ditz’s that would cause an accident stopping! lol. But It’s YOUR blog!!!! I had one reader comment on how disappointed they were of one of my vents and I felt as if I had to apologize but hey it is my blog… ya know? Anyway you are funny and I am glad I found this blog! JUST hoping that no geese are crossing when you pass by! 🙂

  13. That Funny Blog Guy,
    Le Clown has a short fuse, and something like that would have ignite his fury. Kudos on you for channelling it and turning it around to your advantage. At least, this posts seems like it.
    Le Clown

  14. Oh my, you sir are a genius and cool-hearted. If I got a message like that (although I do admit I’ve been hiding a LOT of things from my non-existent blog readers, oh the shame! (To those blog readers who do read my blog, apologies, you should comment to let me know im loved 😀 (This is sarcasm by the way, I don’t intend to hurt or force anybody to come to my blog of seriousness))). I would probably crawl into my fictional hole with as many Oreos and milk that I could carry on my small back and cry while watching Korean Soap Operas. (Somehow, I never explained how I got a tv or cable in my underground bunker).

    I wish I could write funny things, I just sound strange and awkward and the only thing that I can make funny is whenever I confuse words. (I thought Resident Alien was Resident Assistant). Ah gah!

    Please do keep writing though. I need a humorous writing example to help me find my sense of (writing) humor. 🙂

    • Thank you for the support. Thank you all. I will keep writing, no doubt. Something I am going to work on is my future use of the parentheses. I need to master the three level deep use of them. Nicely done.

  15. Is there an award out for almost pee their pants they laughed so hard? And I thought I was a few years away from Depends!!!!

  16. I understand this! My column appears in a local weekly paper. There is a Whine Line section, and my name is mentioned from time to time. I really try not to read them, but one in particular caught my attention. The author said that I was a “waste of his time.” Oh really? You took the time to read my column, and then you took even MORE time writing up your oh-so-witty whine for the paper. Finally, you spent a few more minutes logging on to the website and posting your whine. And I wasted your time?

  17. I have such a distrust for that guy that calls himself Anonymous. Who does he think he is anyway. And how has he lived so long??!! WTF?

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