I’m going to crank up the parental guidance just a bit for this blog entry.  Just a bit anyway.  Maybe this one will earn a strong PG-13.  You’ve been warned, you big bastard.

Swearing is on the rise.  You’ll find a cuss here and curse there.  There is swearing on television, in books, and in movies.  You’ll find it in the schools.  You’ll find it on the streets.  You might just find it in your own kitchen…

When my children were still too young to be introduced to foul language, they learned a few of the whoppers on the bus.  On the kindergarten bus.  So our lesson to them was the same lesson that we give them today.  It’s ok to swear and cuss.  You might be frowned upon if you deliver it in the wrong setting.  You may be judged as unintelligent.  But what is never ok is to use words to harm another person.  Calling someone “stupid” is far worse than talking about a bitchin’ car or talking about your shitty day.

Back to the swearing in the kitchen.  My wife had this talk with my two boys.  I was upstairs and they were sitting at the kitchen table.  After she had them on the right page and understanding the difference between needless swearing and hurting someone’s feelings, she wanted to help them get it out of their systems.  They started chanting “shit, shit, shit, shit.”  And it wasn’t a quiet chant either.  I walked down the stairs to be greeted by the “shit shit” chant.  My two boys, four and five years old, were chanting “shit, shit, shit” with the biggest grin on their sweet little faces.  Precious.

Who’s up for a little analysis?  When someone disagrees strongly with a situation, you might get to hear “that’s bull shit!”  How does that make any sense?  Its bull shit?  Like an actual pile of bull shit?  I don’t see the correlation.  If I was walking down the street and saw a real live pile of bull shit, I wouldn’t think “hey, that pile of dung is just so incredibly out of line with reality.”  No, rather, I would think, “hey, gross.”  And then I would no doubt watch where I was stepping.

“Someone just stole my wallet!  Man, that is some serious fecal matter produced by a full grown steer!”

The term “bull shit” is completely arbitrary.  You have a scenario that you are disappointed with and you claim it to be bull shit.  Why?  Why not something else equally as arbitrary?

“Someone just stole my wallet!  Man, that is some serious squirrel piss!”  Maybe that’s not gross enough.  Not likely to draw flies.  How about this?

“Someone just stole my wallet!  Man, that is some serious pig intestines!”  No, I guess bull shit just works better.

Ok, one more.  Douche bag.  In my life, I have not had the opportunity to find myself in contact with many douches.  What I am saying is, I am no expert in the field of douchology.  But I think that it’s been a long time, if not never, since there was a bag involved in this process.  I think the right term would be bottle or canister.  I think what I would like to see is a change.  I like the term bag.  I can work with that.  But let’s use something that actually has a bag involved.  How about an enema?  Would that would use a bag?

“I can’t stand that guy.  He is a real enema bag.”

But remember, it would be wrong to call someone a name.

Haven’t bought my books yet?  That’s bull shit!

15 responses to “Swearing

  1. If you say something like “I swear, I’m going to go ….” is that swearing by using the word swear?

  2. Okay, I might have to steal “squirrel piss” if it’s alright with you? Fantastic post.

  3. Thanks for the laugh first thing in the morning. 😀 “Man, that is some serious fecal matter produced by a full grown steer!” It’s so true. Sometimes I’ll swear and think about how that word really makes no sense. But you know, “bullshit” has a ring to it. I’ll try squirrel piss and see how people react to that one. I like squirrels though…

  4. Someone should conduct a study to find the animal that produces the largest quanity of shit. If it does happen to be the bull, then the expression can stay as it is. Elephant shit doesn’t have quite the same ring to it though. Funny post!

    • I’m sure whale shit is larger, but it drops to the ocean floor and doesnt really bother anyone. Except the deep dwelling creatures. Can you image going about your day and suddenly being covered in whale shit? That would be total bull shit!

  5. Swearing is on the rise at our house, too, and it’s only me and my husband here now. Hmmm. So funny about allowing your kids to say shit. We live in a small town. One day when the boy was quite young, we were in the car and on our way home. We gave him from the end of town to our house to say as many cuss words as he could. It was a massive load of shits, some damns, and a few hells. … Great parents think alike. 😉

  6. Pingback: Swearing – A great blog post (by someone else) « Duffy The Writer

  7. Great post. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Squirrel piss!

Thoughts? Go.

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