Cereal Circles

If you haven’t been paying close attention, you might have missed my love for cereal.  I eat them all.  Froot Loops, Lucky Charms, Frosted Flakes, Coco Puffs, and so on.  I love them all!

Well, not all.  I will not eat Grape Nuts.  First off, it looks like sand.  Secondly, grapes don’t have nuts.  They are kind of an asexual thing.

Tonight I chose to pour myself a bowl of Froot Loops.  I had a hard time deciding between them and Apple Jacks.  And then it dawned on me.  The orange and green Foot Loops look almost identical to the Apple Jacks.  I did a taste test with my son.  He failed after insisting that he could tell the difference.

Apple Jacks jacked their cereal from Froot Loops.  If I was that toucan, I would be pissed.  Seriously, you separate out half of the cereal box by color, sprinkle a little cinnamon, lose the bird, and give it a new name.  Poof!  A whole new cereal is born.

And what is a Jack anyway?  As a kid I can remember watching my sisters play with jacks.  The cereal certainly doesn’t look like those evil things.  You want me to eat Jacks for breakfast?  Have you ever stepped on one of those?  Ouch!  Can you image choking down a bowl of Jacks?

“Thank you all for attending the cereal naming board meeting.  Today we will discuss what should we name this cereal that we ripped off from the Froot Loops people.”

“Well, they are round and have a whole in the middle.  I don’t know, maybe we can name them after a fruit that can’t be found anywhere in the ingredients list—like Apples.  And those pointy little childhood toy!  How about Apple Jacks?”

“Apple Jacks!  Sir, you are a genius.  They are going to make you vice president one day.”

How many cereals have capitalized on the round-circle-with-a-hole-in-the-middle design?  Froot Loops.  Apple Jacks.  Cheerios.  Cheerios is kind of the smaller dumb cousin of these cereals—the one that no one wants to be around.

“We tried to make a yummy cereal like Apple Jacks and Froot Loops, but we ended up with this dehydrated shrunken head version.  No taste.  At least no good taste.  But I think we can still sell them if we claim that they can lower your cholesterol.  Hey, three Cheers for these nasty little Oh’s.”

Seriously, don’t you think that Cheerios feels bad when its box has to sit on the shelf next to the Froot Loop or Apple Jacks.  All those sad little colorless Oh’s developing a lousy self image.

“Oh Apple Jacks, you are so pretty with those cinnamon sprinkles.  And you, Froot Loops, you are so awesome with that Toucan that is always following you and that hip way you spell “fruit”.  I have nothing going for me.  I am an ugly wimpy circle.  Most people that see me attempt to cover my body up with banana slices.  Woe is me.  I wish I was never mass produced.”

Yeah, talking cereal.  I went there.

My books say, “Buy me!”


17 responses to “Cereal Circles

  1. cereal for me, is right behind ice cream. i love it. and i must say, i am intrigued by your froot loop, apple jack experiment. i don’t believe they would taste the same. i was always preferential to apple jacks, i mean, they’re cinnamon toasty… come on. and are you sure, you know, who came first? the apple or the froot? you are making serious accusations, my friend. i’m not going to taking this spoon down.

    • A spoon dual? Dont make me pull out my spork!

    • Because I’m so damned cheap, I made the miskate of buying the generic versions of Fruit Loops & Apple Jacks. I can’t remember what they were called, but they were disguised as something like Apple Loops and Fruit Jacks. The colors were washed out, the circles weren’t as round, they weren’t as crunchy, and they went stale faster. It was kind of like eating Cheerios.

  2. Just so you know who copied whom: Cheerios came first. Then somebody said, “Kids won’t eat these things – let’s add sugar and artificial colors and a cartoon toucan.” I know these things. I was there:

  3. I want to see what you eat your cereal out of? Little plastic bowl? Vegetable serving dish? Or do you have an awesome Toucan Sam cereal bowl like I do? My cereal of choice is Cocoa Krispies (not Cocoa Pebbles) -or- Captain Crunch. Captain Crunch has glass in it, and it tears up my mouth, but I love it.

    • P.S. I realize it might take me five hours to drive down there, but you are not five hours from me on your time. What gives?

      • We banned all plastics from our dish cabinet. You always end up with 17 different types that dont stack well and before you know it you need to move into a larger home. So, I use a normal sized stackable white bowl. But I have an amazing ability to pour heapingh amounts into it. Cocoa Krispies is way up on my list. The Pebbles version always has that one oddly hard piece that ends up stressing your back molars. Captain Crunch is a great treatment for people with bumpy gums–smooth those down like sandpaper. As for the time issue? I’m actually from the future.

  4. Because I’m so damned cheap, I made the mistake of buying the generic versions of Fruit Loops & Apple Jacks. I can’t remember what they were called, but they were disguised as something like Apple Loops and Fruit Jacks. The colors were washed out, the circles weren’t as round, they weren’t as crunchy, and they went stale faster. It was kind of like eating Cheerios.

    • Well now I’m just depressed. I’m sorry to hear of the anguish that consumed your cereal experience. There are many things that simply cant be generic. I’m glad that you pointed this one out (since I won’t have to now).

      • Interesting that you would post this today. I just finished my very first bowl of chotolace cheerios!It was a bit of a surprise to find them in our pantry; I guess it has something to do with my college student being home for the summer.I was thinking as I was looking at the nutritional info — good ol’ plain Cheerios (with no added flavorings and little sugar) are the first cereal that parents feed their kids. It seems like most toddlers have a supply of the stuff handy to snack on and they love the stuff. I still like Cheerios and never add sugar, just a little milk (or a handful right out of the box as a snack). Why would they have to ruin it? I’m a chotolace lover. But for breakfast…I’ll take the plain old Cheerios, please.

  5. One must wonder how Fruity Pebbles fits into this scheme.

Thoughts? Go.

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