Now that the Christmas celebrations are over, I would like to cover a topic that is really hitting home:  Gas.  No, not the gas that we pass from over eating rich delicious holiday foods, but rather the gas that I put into my car to transport my family from here to there and then back again.  Perhaps I should refer to it as fuel or petrol (in a British sort of way) so that you’ll know that this writing isn’t another story of my boy’s flatulent behaviors.

Did you have the pleasure of loading up your car with gifts, luggage, and other holiday needs, then loading up your family, your dog, and other holiday visitors, then drive two hundred miles away from your house, then repeat the process in reverse several days later?  It was worth every penny of gas to spend time with the family!

I had to say that last part, because a few of them read this blog.

I spent a few rounds at the gas pump during my travels.  Every single gas pump out there is the same–they do two things that really bug me.  It doesn’t matter what station you pull up to or what side of the country you visit.  They all do the same thing.

Number one:  The pump will ask me if I want a receipt before I even start pumping the fuel.

I’m not ready to commit to this decision.  I think you are getting ahead of me here, gas pump.  I haven’t even smelled a drop of gas yet.  I don’t think that I’ll want a receipt.  It’s a piece of paper that I just don’t need kicking around in my world.  That is, unless you Mr. Gas Pump, decide to triple the amount I owe you when I get my credit card statement.  Then, yeah, I’ll want that proof-of-purchase and a cheap lawyer too.

Furthermore, if and when I answer, “yes, gas pump, please give me a receipt” and then you say that the receipt couldn’t be printed and I have to pick it up inside the shop—that makes me really mad.  Hey gas pump!  You think next time that maybe you can check if you have the ability to print me a receipt before you offer me one?  Oh, you were out of paper or ink.  Whatever!  My printer at home knows in advance whether or not it can crank out a print job.  Maybe I can set you up with my printer.  The two of you can have dinner and discuss the finer points of customer service.  Hey gas pump, would you like a cup of coffee?  Yes? Oh, sorry, I dont have any.

Number two:  When the gas pump says that it is ready to go… it really isn’t.

The pump will give you the green light to begin by stating, “You may now operate the pump” or something similar.  At which point, if you squeeze the trigger nothing will happen.  You have to release your squeeze, wait about three seconds, re-squeeze, and then the gas will begin flowing as expected.  I didn’t sign up for all this extra hand exercising.

So why can’t they design a pump that doesn’t jump the gun?   These people (they) have figured out how to drill to the bottom of the ocean, pump crude through pipes to land, refine it for the combustible engine, deliver it through miles of pipeline and thousands of trucks, and yet they can’t get a pump to accurately tell me when I can actually start pumping?  Seems kind of odd to me.

If I designed the pump, it would say “You may now operate the pump.”  And then three seconds later it would say, “Just kidding, you can start now.”

You can buy my books now.  Really, right now.


10 responses to “Gas

  1. Hi Marcus. I have nominated you for an award.
    Please check it out. Thanks.

  2. If i designed a pump, i wouldn’t be pumping and it would be cheaper.

  3. I was the last person in the U.S. to pump their own gas. I simply wouldn’t do it. A gas station here in town had a guy who would still pump your gas, and I let him do it – and check my oil, too. 😉 It killed me when he went out of business about ten years ago, and I had to pump my own. … Now that you know how much I hate to pump gas, I am with you on your complaints. And I *hate* having to run in and pay before I pump. And why does the gas on the days when it’s freezing cold outside or raining like there’s a hurricane in Ohio? Thanks for riling me up, Marcus. … And Happy New Year to you and your family! 🙂

  4. Yes, my favorite gas stations does “just kidding” each and every time. And I fall for it each time. But my right hand grip is definitely improving.

  5. The gas pump parts are going to be more expensive as fuel prices go up. It is hard because as fuel goes up in price, so does everything else. Thanks for sharing this information.

Thoughts? Go.

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