Helpful Product Review

People have been enjoying reading my words and that action brings me my own joy.  I truly enjoy writing this blog and picturing people smiling.  But recently I’ve been thinking, “What purpose does this serve?  Who am I helping?  How can I contribute more significantly to society?  How did Honey Boo Boo get so popular?  Why hasn’t Julia Roberts called me yet?  How many M&M’s can I put in my mouth at one time?”

Sorry, I’m getting off track.

So, I truly think I can help society.  I am an intelligent individual with knowledge to share.  “Perhaps”, I thought, “I can take a stab at doing a product review!”  Sure, do that.  People can benefit from my review of a particular product.  In fact, I too can benefit from this endeavor.  I’ll review a product that I have never used before.

Always Maxi Pads

You might find this product review a little odd since it is coming from a middle-aged man.  But here goes.

I have absolutely no idea how this product performs.  There is no way I can personally gain any real insight on how effectively this product handles the situation that it was designed for.  I’ve opened a few boxes, studied the individual wrappings, extended their wings, threw them around the room, and yet still, I have nothing to offer to help you decide on whether this is brand is right for you.

I can however tell you this.  Their wings do not help their flight what-so-ever.  Five to ten feet at best.  You’d be better off just playing with paper airplanes if long distance flight is your goal.  Although, if you ignore the wings and toss with a Frisbee style motion, you can achieve much longer distances.

There is another aspect of this product that rubs me wrong.  The name—“Always”.  After conducting several interviews with people who have used this product routinely in the past, a general consensus became obvious.  The name is all wrong.  When using this product, apparently the last thing that operator wants to consider is that the situation is going to last for “always” or for “forever”.  Why not just call the product “Constant Cramps” or “Forever Pain”?  The users of this product all agreed that a better name for this product would be “Never”.

So in summary, my research concludes that this product provides very little fun.  Furthermore, the poor choice of the branding name “Always” will be this products downfall and will not stand the test of time.  Period.

Buy my book for superior tossing distance.

21 responses to “Helpful Product Review

  1. So weird. Good thing I like weird. 🙂

  2. Your only mistake was in doing research. Never research the products you review. Learn from the professional reviewers that bash products that they have never touched, that have not been released, and that might not even be planned to be produced. If you want to learn how to make money doing this then study those who are currently being paid. Amateur!

  3. So when men stand around in the supermarket aisle looking vexed and confused, they’re really just comparison shopping based on aerodynamic properties?

  4. Once the tea went up my nose after reading the name of the product you would review, I found great wisdom in your post. It was very helpful. 🙂

  5. I had no idea! It’s people like you that make the world a more enlightened place.
    Thank you for you insight.

  6. Your use of punctuation is spot on.

  7. Never is such a good word.

  8. Your product review may have failed, but I think your feminine napkin toss Olympics would be a big hit! A tip for you – the heavier they are, the farther you can throw them. Those in the know call that “The Maxi Pad Enigma.”

  9. Well, you threw them around the house and tested their wings, did you put them at every place setting on the dinner table and test them as napkins?

Thoughts? Go.

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