Does anyone have a need for toilet paper ads anymore? You’re probably already sold on the product. It’s a need, not a want. And yet, the ads and packaging are out there—no signs of relenting. Recently, I was looking at the packaging of several different brands names and I saw a baby, a puppy, and a cartoon bear.
Let’s discuss. Shall we?
A baby? Adorable yes, but does a baby make a good mascot? Nope. I think babies should stick to selling diapers. What do they know about toilet paper? They have no business selling toilet paper. Baby wipes are the correct tool for their world, not toilet paper.
A puppy? How does this sell toilet paper? Perhaps if you are training a dog that continues to crap on your carpet, this is the brand for you.
A cartoon bear? Maybe the company owning this particular brand of toilet paper is trying to answer the question, “does a bear shit in the woods?” Yes, he does! And then he wipes his rear end with a set of two-ply cotton-like extra strong squares of the softest paper known to man and bear alike.
No. No, these are all wrong. A better choice for a picture on your toilet paper packaging would be a grown man holding a half eaten burrito in one hand and a tube of hemorrhoid cream in the other. You see the logic here? This image would clearly highlight the credibility of the paper product. Obviously this guy will not be as cute as the puppy, but he will clearly be a more effective example of the scenarios that this toilet paper can handle.
Would you buy my book if it had a baby, a bear, and puppy on the cover?
Voices In His Head 
I have a buddy that is a manager at the Kimberly-Clark factory here in Aiken County and I have come to learn that they are passionate about TP…and they are fiercely competitive with the other companies…you would never guess what a war it is…
Do they TP each others cars in the parking lot?
You forgot Hershey Bars. It’s all about product placement and the right metaphor.
You sir, have a provided yet another possibility.
But if a bear shits in the woods and no one else is there to hear it . . .
There he sat, broken hearted. He tried to … awww nevermind.
I think I peed my pants, so toilet paper is apropos in this instance. I am so glad that I am not the only one who caught the, “Bears shit in the woods” motif. And I would add that the corresponding commercial for women….well, let’s just say that society isn’t quite ready for yet.
So sorry about your pants. I’ll try to be more serious next time.
Oh, Good Lord, don’t you dare!
I think you should redo your book cover to add a bunny rabbit to the upper-right quadrant. The bunny could be looking toward the keyboard. Then I would buy your book. I love bunny rabbits.
What about the middle aged man? Would that do it for you?
I always stare at the designs on the paper and wonder who’s job it is to create them. And would those people fess up to their peers at a dinner party? “So, what do you do for a living?” “I’m a toilet paper designer. I put the flowers, and the teddy bears and the seashells there especially for your viewing and sensory delight.”
I would love to chat with people in those positions. Would like like to see my portfolio? Here is the design I did for the adult diapers. Yeah, its a cute baby elephant.
What you need are four teenage girls toilet papering the house of some jock they have a crush on. Which roll can you throw the furthest without breakage? Which roll has enough paper to drape the entire front yard? Which one is most absorbent when the boy’s parents turn the sprinklers on the girls? Of course these girls will never see the ad unless you put it on Facebook or YouTube.
I think you are on to something. That concept will open up whole new markets for sales. We use to just steal whatever paper was in the fast food resturants. Four or five stops and we were good to go.
You got a point there, plus the disgusting ad of a grown man with a hemorrhoid cream will surely sticks to our head 🙂
I could be the next great marketing guru. Hey, who was the previous one?
Guru Pitka from The Love Guru haha? Kidding. I don’t know 🙂
What about a picture of a sorority girl with a six pack of beer. No body likes the D.A.D.s.
That could be a good seller around the colleges. Although we bought whatever was the cheapest. Pictures made no difference.