Silly Rabbit

I have some really surprising news.  I’m not really sure how to properly convey this scenario to you, so I’ll just put it out there.  But first I have to ask.  Do you remember that commercial from long ago?  There were these two children keeping a poor desperate rabbit from eating their precious bowls of cereal.  All the while these nasty children would be taunting the rabbit with hurtful words, “Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids!”  Mean little selfish brats.

I picked up a box of Trix the other day.  There was no rabbit in sight, although I probably would have given the pathetic little hare a handful of those colorful little cereal puffs just to make him go away.  I’m far more generous than those evil little punks.  I was actually pretty excited about my box of Trix because I haven’t had this particular junky cereal in a long time.

I love cereal.  If you’ve been hanging around this blog, you should have already known that.  Review Cereal Circles and/or Cereal Killers.  I recommend the “and” rather than the “or”.  I’m a 42 year old man, husband, father of two boys, and I can’t help the fact that the garbage cereals still taste delicious to me.  We currently have our pantry stocked with Reese’s Puffs, Lucky Charms, Coco-Puffs, Froot Loops, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and Trix.  And that list is the list of opened boxes.

Here is the really surprising part.  I poured a bowl of Trix—still no rabbit in sight.  Filled my bowl with the proper amount of milk.  Got my spoon and dug in.

They taste like crap!  The fact this cereal is made up of round little balls exactly the same size as rabbit turds makes me think that maybe the rabbit was up to something devious—if you know what I mean.  Can you picture him working with his finger paints.  “I’ll make this one red.  This one green.  Ha!  Watch those kids try to keep this bowl from me!”

Actually, I guess that isn’t really fair.  They don’t exactly taste like crap.  More accurately, Trix taste like nothing.  As in no taste at all.  Is this because I’m getting close to an age where junky cereals are going to become unappealing?  I hope not.  I’m still coo-coo for Coco-Puffs.  I think Lucky Charms are magically delicious.  I still think Frosted Flakes taste great.  I’m mean really great, like with ten or so letter R’s.  But what happened to Trix?  They taste like little puffs of colored Styrofoam.  And it doesn’t matter what color of puff ball I try.  They all taste like nothing.  Red.  Nothing.  Orange.  Nothing.  Even the “all new” swirled colored puffs.  Nothing.

Someone stole my flavor!  Now I’m starting to think that maybe those mean-spirited kids were on to something.  Silly Marcus, Trix are for kids.  Do kids still think that this particular cereal is good?  I doubt it.

Hey silly rabbit, swing by my house and you can have the whole tasteless box of this bland garbage cereal all to yourself.  Is this really what you were scrambling for all these years?  It’s all yours.  I’ll even feed you the whole box right in front of those horrible, stingy little kids.  I’ll even force them to watch.

Buy my flavorful book.

18 responses to “Silly Rabbit

  1. You are sooooo rrrrrrrrright about Frosted Flakes. I bought some on sale last summer. Hadn’t eaten them since I was 10. Delicious!! Could be used as dessert at a dinner party–well, not a fancy dinner party.

  2. Why do we eat that stuff? I’ve switched to Greek yogurt with diced apples and nuts for breakfast. Very tasty and healthy. Then I go out later and eat freeze-dried pressed mystery meat on a bun for lunch. Go figure!

  3. That’s a riot! But I seriously think someone messes with the flavor of things over time. Like M&M’s. I *swear* they are not what they used to be! And the proof, you see, is in the still-ever-so-gratifyingly-full-of-sugar Frosted Flakes! (or as I always called them, Frosty Flakes.)

  4. It’s been a long time since I’ve had Trix, but I remember each color having a flavor – didn’t they? I had a nasty box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch recently. It was bland and boring, and it didn’t seem to have enough cinnamon and sugar on it! They cut back, so I quit buying.

    • I think as a rule of thumb, all cereals with a different colors and shapes have only one taste. The exception is when they include the so-called machmallow. These little balls of sugar always taste different than the flavor of the other pieces that they are trying to mask.

      • You forget, I am 100 years old. I remember sorting Trix cereal and eating the flavors. I liked the lemon. I did a little research, and there are supposed to be fruit flavors. At least there used to be. You aren’t the only person to say they no longer have flavor, and they want their fruit flavors back.

  5. The Joys Of Life

    I have a 3 year old son who is addicted to cereal. We got a bag of off brand cocoa puffs, and I had a bowl this morning. Holy.Cow. Amazing…!!!

    There are so many different things that I taste from my childhood and wonder what exactly happened. Like Hershey’s bars. Or simple Vanilla ice cream. It just doesn’t taste right. Or Fish Sticks! I used to LOVE fish sticks… Now, I can’t even SMELL them without feeling sick to my stomach.

    Things change as we get older because the ingredients are not as pure and good as they used to be. Everything is much more synthetic now.

    • Taste buds change too. Eventually they get all pissy about being burned too many times. And then they just stop trying.
      Glad to hear that you a coo coo for Coco Puffs — even generic…

      • The Joys Of Life

        I read something that said your taste buds change every 7 years.

        They also change through pregnancy!

  6. Perhaps you needed to add a condiment of choice: mustard, ketchup… GO PRO STARS! Remember those?

    • I think that there was the possibility that mustard was the only thing that actually would have improved the Pro Stars cereal. Nasty idea–not the mustard, the putting a “star” on the box thinking that children (and adults) would eat that trash becuase some hockey player was watching them eat.

  7. Now I’m scared to retry Lucky Charms and Fruity Pebbles.

  8. I’ve survived two major near death medical issues not related to diet, so tend to feel invincible: Pour the sugar on those dang cereals if they aren’t sugary enough!

    • A spponful of sugar on my Lucky Charms just might put me in a coma.
      I see that you’ve been busy in your retirement reading my blog…I should write more for the people just like you. Thanks!

      • Ugh! I can’t imagine more sugar on Lucky Charms or most cereals aimed at kids, but I have cautiously added sugar to pre-sweetened cereals aimed at adults and haven’t succumbed. It’s a delicate balance, sort of like why I add ketchup (essentially tomato-flavored sugar…!) to hot dogs to over-come the excessive saltiness of that food, which isn’t on my favorite list at any rate.

        Yes, I learned “retired” is the job I was born to do! Frankly, I don’t miss the office politics and fear of being down-sized.

        I personally have no idea who I write my blog for, so just write what amuses me. Of course, that probably is why so few people follow me!

        It’s easier to select blogs to follow, especially when they are as amusing and well done as yours.

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