Monthly Archives: June 2013

Voices in Pictures

This blog entry is what would happen if I wrote a picture book.   Pictures are not necessarily my thing–I enjoy words more than photos.  I very rarely include photos in my blog.  So this is me going too far with pictures.  …hopefully still enjoyable for you.

All of the following pictures were created by me.  Please share them at your desire.  This collection of photos is not one of those “share everything that is already floating about the web and that you have already seen on seventeen people’s Facebook pages”.  Perhaps I can make you smile with photo captions.  Let’s try.

ashtree

That was the biggest tree in my yard.  “Was” is the key word here–stupid Ash Tree Bug.   It has since been replaced with a much smaller tree.  I’d invite you over to sit in the shade of my new tree that we put in place of this one, but the shade created only provides shade for one person.  I’ll pencil you in for the summer of 2034.  See you then.

crawpudding

Apparently my mother failed to tell me not to play with my food.  And who would actually raise that thing to their mouth?  It’s looking at you while you’re about to eat its head.  Creepy.

dogpee

My dog has a question for you.

europeansoda

Perhaps my dog’s question was: What happens after you drink a bunch of European Soda?

fruitcracks

How can you not like this fruit?  I’ve never purchased it so I don’t know what it tastes like, but it makes me smile.  And I always take the time to arrange them properly when I pass by them.

happyeggs

Apparently eggs make me smile too.

healthylinving

I thought this picture was so awesome that I included it in my book.  Healthy Living and Candy in the same aisle.  My kind of store…

holybread

Too much time on my hands.  Someone pass the butter, please.

hooterssause

Did you know that you can get wings at Hooters?  I usually just ask for a glass of water and sit behind my sunglasses.

mexican

The same store that sells that “Healthy Candy” also attempts to hide the good mexican food.  Make sure you walk all the way down this aisle.  Don’t settle for the fake mexican food.

pringlesseason

And when exactly does Pringles Season end.  I need to stock up for the off-season.

pubesandhoses

When artistically designing a sign for your small business, don’t make the “T” look like a “P”.  Would you stop in and browse around at Pubes and Hoses?  I kept driving.

slowcookerhooker

Thank you Hamilton Beach for bringing to the public the world’s first set of “Slow Cookers for Hookers”.

speedhumps

Perhaps with the invention of the Slow Cookers for Hookers there will be extra time to slow things down a bit.

thought_graph

This is an accurate representation of how my wife’s brain works.  Although there probably should have been an extra bump in the level drawn in just after she lays down to fall asleep.

woodplug

Naturally occurring electricity without all that pesky lightning.

Buy my book which includes a handful of pictures.

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Fish Abuse

I went out to dinner with my wife last night.  We went to this Irish pub across town—nice place.  I got the fish and chips.  She got the battered shrimp and fries.

My fish was quite good and I believe my wife enjoyed her meal as well, but I have to say that I feel bad that the shrimp came from a world of violence.  I’m not sure how you prepare battered shrimp, but I believe it would taste just as good without going through the whole beating that clearly leaves an emotional scar underneath the physical pounding.

My fish was gently placed into the basket above the deep fryer, slowly lowered into the warm bath of oils, gently placed upon the plate to relax, rest, and cuddle up to the over-privileged side of chips.

My wife’s shrimp lived a short painful existence.  The abuse probably started as a youngster.  Abused as a child, the other shrimp wouldn’t let them play any shrimp games.  If only it would have learned to fly and pull a sled!

Its adult life bought a daily verbal assault.  The cook would ridicule it in front of the pampered scampi.  It never once was told just how beautiful it truly was.  I simply wish that all battered shrimp across the entire ocean would recognize that there is a place they can go for help.  Shrimp don’t have to live the battered life. sadshrimp

It was sad to see how the shrimp ended up.  Where my fish were honored to be served up on the same plate with hearty potato wedges, her shrimp were cast aside and left to fend themselves in silence with the strung out normal fries.

Stop the battering of shrimp.  There is a place to go for help.

Buy my books and a portion of the proceeds will go toward my next order of shrimp cocktail.