Hot Cars Kill Dogs

Recently I have seen a sharp increase in a particular message being display on my Facebook newsfeed.  “Hot Cars Kill Dogs”.  Many of my friends have posted this message as a plea to help the poor animals.   I find this statement just slightly misleading.  The car isn’t killing the animal, the owner is.  It’s time to wake up and stop blaming the vehicle.

But what I find even more perplexing is why the owners of hot cars kill more dogs than the owners of average cars.  Almost all models of the Jaguar and the Porsche brand names are considered “hot” cars.  What happens to the mind of the owners of these hot cars after they purchase their hot vehicles?  Suddenly they become blood thirsty with the strong desire to kill household pets.  What is difference between them and people who purchase a Honda Accord or a Chevrolet Aveo?

Average cars:  Honda, Chevy:  Dog lovers

Hot cars:  Jaguar, Porsche:  Dog slayers

Frank just bought a Porsche, now when people walk their dog across his sidewalk, he chases them down and he kicks the helpless animal.

Bob just bought a Honda, now he volunteers at the neighborhood animal shelter.

Can you image how much hatred of dogs must course through the veins of the owners of a Lamborghini or a Ferrari?  These cars are extremely hot cars.  I’d bet that if you ran a nationwide survey of missing dog reports and correlate the results to areas surrounding households in which the owners possess a Ferrari, you will find significant overlapping statistics.

You need more evidence?

I just finished watching the final installment of the Twilight movie series with my family.  In case you live on the moon (Netflix won’t ship DVDs there), this series of movies was about the Cullen family—a family of vampires.  In this story, the vampire named Edward drove a hot silver Volvo S60R and he was a blood sucking consumer of animals, some of which I’m sure were dogs.  Rosalie drove a BMW M3 convertible; a very hot car.  She too enjoyed eating helpless animals.  Carisle’s Mercedes S55 AMG was another hot automobile and once again, she would enjoy a good dog roast.

Bella, prior to her transformation into a vampire, was driving a beat-up red pickup truck.  Not a hot vehicle at all.  She had no desire to drink the blood of dogs.  None what-so-ever.

Oh no!  Was that a movie spoiler?  I’m sorry.  I should have written “Spoiler Alert”.  Obviously, I’m not that sorry since I still have a chance to edit this piece.  Odd.

And speaking of spoilers, you know those “tail fins”, otherwise known as spoilers, that young men place on the edge of their car’s trunk in order to make their car appear slightly faster without any costly changes to the engine.  Yeah, I’ll bet those boys suddenly have a slight, but noticeable urge, to trip dogs down a flight of stairs.  I’ll have to do more research.

(blogging trend goes here:  wrap up your article by asking questions)

Are you now suspicious of people driving hot cars?

What kind of hot car do you drive?

How many dogs have you killed?

Buy my hot book (which statistically has no dog killing correlations)

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2 responses to “Hot Cars Kill Dogs

  1. I find this troubling. You didn’t once mention the fate of cats. 😉

Thoughts? Go.

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