Seasonal Monsters

Here comes Halloween!  My favorite holiday!

Every year I set up a haunted front yard.  And every year it gets more elaborate.  My boys participate with their scary masks and blood stained shirts.  We take pride in making the little ones scream.  I warn all the parents that bring their children into my yard, “if you enter, your child probably will have nightmares.”  Several years back, my boys were happy to tell everyone they saw the next day that “we made an adorable little Scooby Doo cry!”  Ah, good times, good memories.

scary

My monsters in my haunted yard.

I got to thinking about some of the various monsters of Halloween.  You have your werewolves, demons, vampires, and mummies.  What makes these monsters scary?

Glad you asked.  You did ask that, right?

Werewolves:  They are basically overgrown dogs that will eat your flesh.  Sure, scary.

Demons:  Supernatural craziness.  They go through walls and from time to time they will put your body on pause and cause black smoke to come out of your wide open mouth.  It’s kind of a coalminer’s black lung thing without the years of mining.  (Maybe that was aliens, not demons.  Whatever.)

Black smoke is about to come out of my mouth and perhaps a nasty nose bleed.

Black smoke is about to come out of my mouth and perhaps a nasty nose bleed.

Vampires:  They suck your blood and turn you into one of their kind—which apparently leads to immortality.  That’s not really scary unless you get a really hungry vampire that drinks 100% of your blood.  Momma vampire barks out, “Listen here you little blood sucker.  You’re not leaving the table until you finish all the blood from your human!  There are vampires in this world that only get to suck blood from the necks of small animals—some of which don’t even have necks.  You should be grateful for your full human dinner!”

Mummies:  Seriously, what is scary about a mummy?  Even the way you spell the plural form of mummy makes it look cute with that “drop the Y and add I E S” thing.  “Ah, look at all the little mummies!  So adorable!”  So, mummies are long dead people wrapped up in several layers of toilet paper.  Yeah, not scary.  “Oh no!  Look out!  That mummy is wrapped in un-quilted single ply toilet paper!  Run for your life!”  He isn’t going to bite you without first choking on a wad of toilet paper.  I suppose that it might be scary if they all banded together, stormed your neighborhood, and toilet-papered every tree, top to bottom, on your street.  What a nightmare that would be!  Oh, worse if it was drizzling outside.

Buy my horror novel (wrap it in toilet paper)*
*must supply your own toilet paper

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26 responses to “Seasonal Monsters

  1. You are one SICK PUPPY!! I have a natural fear about all these scary things and now, you’ve RUINED it all. When my skin starts to crawl…I’ll remember your vampire/mummy twists and I’ll LAUGH…and everyone will think I’M the sick puppy!! How TWISTED!!

    p.s. bloggerbubbles is gone. poof.

  2. Two years ago, we had our granddaughter over Halloween. It was her first Halloween; she was three. We dressed her as Cinderella and she had a ball (pun intended). Intelligent son (her father), took her to a friend’s house who is like you – waits all year for Halloween and does it big. He had a pretty freaky mask on, not unlike the way your two boys look. That poor girl was so scared, she refused to go to any more houses, and we had to go home. Guess who didn’t get candy that year. That’s right – us grownups, because the kid that was supposed to get the candy for us got scared! I’m going to petition for a rating system for houses at Halloween. You have to put a glow-in-the-dark sign in your yard that signifies your level of Halloween love. Kid-friendly, Gruesome, Horrific, etc. /end semi-tongue-in-cheek screed

    Hope all is well with you and your family, Marcus! 🙂

    • Someone out there is a little Scooby Doo that feels just like your Little Princess. This year I’ve rigged up a platform where our visitors will be crawling over a section of plexi-glass. My little monsters will be underneath ready to pound and scream… gonna be awesome. maybe scooby doo will pee his costume this year…

  3. don’t forget, crazy, stressed mom without wine. that’s the scariest one yet!

  4. I am glad to see that someone else other than me LOVES Halloween this much! Our yard is filling up with skeletons and tombstones! Have you checked out our posts lately?

    • I’ve been away from my blog reading lately, but I just now blasted through a ton of your recent posts/pictures. You have been busy! Those pumkins look completely awesome. And no, not everyone can do the perfect job that you did. You have a talent and make it look real easy!

      • Aw, thank you! I hear you on the being away from the blog thing, as I can relate to that. Since I started my trek down paper mache lane a few months ago, I am finding it hard to keep up with my blog posts and my blog reading as I don’t have enough time to do it all. Then, add gardening and everything else on top of that, and that makes for a busy day.

        I would love to keep on making all of these paper mache pumpkins and hopefully sell them next year on our eBay store! They are so much fun to make/create. My favorite one is the Jack Skeleton one! But they are all cool in their own way. Thanks for catching up with all the posts and I can’t wait to see more of your decorations as well!

        Have a nice day!
        Val

    • oh, I forgot… Your mummy- very cute, but not scary.

      • I know. I kinda wasn’t going for scary – just wanted to try to make one and it worked out. Now….if I could make a real life sized one, now I would make him frightening!

  5. So funny! I have my toilet paper ready!

  6. Hey, I nominated you for the Dragon’s Loyalty Award … go to my recent post Yay, A New Blog Award to see how it works:)

  7. When I was a kid, we had all the monster models — Werewolf, Frankenstein, Dracula, the Mummy. Once you’ve painted a monster and glued him together, you lose all fear. In fact, you develop a kind of affection for him. Did you have this experience, too? I have a feeling you did.

    • Not sure exactly when or how I lost fear of scary movies and such. I do know that as I get older, I am developing a fear of heights a little more every year. I still ride roller coasters, but walking across a bridge near the edge…ewww, I’ll be four feet from the railing. Hey, maybe I should assemble heights and paint heights!

  8. I did, too! But I still avoid watching anything scary – it just doesn’t work for my personality.

    I dared myself to watch “Carrie” one time. I’m an “empathetic” who had gone through “enough” by that time….the producer of the movie didn’t have a chance to engage me. I felt sooo desperately sorry for her character that I went away from the movie with a commitment never to watch something so sad and severe again for “entertainment” 🙂

    • Hey, the new remake of Carrie is coming out soon. Perhaps you can try again. From the trailer, it looks like they added 1000 times more blood.
      …whatever. Movies should only be made once.
      What was the topic here?
      I like apples.

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