I decided to write this blog for one reason: the joy of writing and entertaining readers. Isn’t that two reasons? It is. And it’s a total bold face lie too. The fact is, I needed another avenue for book sales. You see, I wrote a book. I did it on a whim and then decided that I had to publish it to complete the hobby. So I did. I’m actually proud of my effort. Is there any chance that you didn’t know that I was trying to sell a book? If you didn’t notice the links on this blog, I would have to categorize you the most focused person in the world. He is your game plan: “I’m clicking into this guy’s blog and I’m reading the latest entry. Nothing more. I will not have my eyes stray from the words of his story. Stay focused. I will not be tempted by those pesky links off to the side. I will read the latest story and upon completion, immediately close my browser.”
The title of my book is “My Status Update Journey: A Quirky In-Depth Analysis of the World from the Voices in My Head”. My book is written a lot like my blog stories and entries. Well, not this one. It would be kind of weird to try to market your book inside your book. My book tells the story of my Facebook statuses over a three year time period. Only it’s more than that. There are a zillion books out there stuffed full of one-liner status updates. My book is not that. The book details my train of thought at the time, my actions leading up to the status updates, the flashbacks to the stories of my world long ago. Book reviewers (people honestly not related to me) tell me that the book is a good one, a five star read, and all that. So why hasn’t it sold a million copies? Simple. Marketing is not easy. It stinks.
Recently, I called a neighborhood book shop and asked if they do book signings for local authors. She said that they did host them in the past, but not anymore. Then she asked me what my book was about. I was glad that the conversation played out in that order. If she asked me about my book first, and then came up with the excuse on why she wouldn’t host me in their shop, I would have felt much worse. The conversation didn’t go too much farther. She explained that the hassle of setting up flyers and posters and floor space did not drive enough customers into the store to make it worth their trouble.
“Your trouble? Um, I don’t care what-so-ever about your ‘trouble’. All I care about is me and my book sales. Glorious me! Me! Me! Me!” And the call ended. That’s not really the exact way it played out, but that is how I could have handled it since the outcome would have been the exact same.
Friends and acquaintances have told me to simply host my own book signing in my own home. I can’t seem to do it. It feels awkward. How do you invite your friends and family to come over for the purpose of selling them your book?
“Say, I’m having a get-together next weekend. Swing by! Oh, and don’t forget your wallet.” Or how about this? “You are cordially invited to attend a book signing in my home. During this event, not only can you feed my ego, but you can give me cash too.”
What I really need is a famous person. If I had my very own famous person, my book sales would shoot through the roof! And I would treat my very own famous person very nicely. I promise. All I need is a tweet seen by someone with a gazillion followers. People would race to purchase and read my book because Ernest Borgnine, Elizabeth Taylor, or Amy Winehouse said they enjoyed the book.
What? Hold on a second… My proofreader just informed me that I need to update my list of famous people.
Ok, how about Bob & Tom, George Clooney, or Jim Gaffigan? If they simply hinted at enjoying the contents of the book, amazon.com would have trouble keeping copies on the shelf. Except that, amazon.com doesn’t really have a shelf. But the virtual shelf would begin to virtually collapse. And I would be virtually pleased! By this point in reading this particular blog entry, you must be thinking, “How can help?” So here is a short list of different things you can do to help me.
Go amazon.com and search for “Marcus Matherne” or use this address
and actually buy the book. Clearly that would help the book sales by at least one. You can buy more than one if you wish. I tried to make my amazon.com book and author pages amusing as well, so take the time a read the details found there. You’ll smile about it, whether you like it or not.
There is a “Click to look inside the book” where you can read the first chunk of pages. Post a review of the book on the amazon.com book page, even after reading just the sample. I won’t actually tell anyone that you did not read the entire book. I don’t think the amazon.com police will come knocking at your door. And even if they do, I think it’s just a misdemeanor and easy to get removed from your record.
Share this blog out to your Facebook and twitter accounts. How about your pinterest page? Assuming you’re female. Do any men out there have a pinterest page? I think there is ban against it. I need your help in making this visible! Be my little spammers. Nice spammers. Let’s go viral baby!
And finally, would someone get me a famous person, please?
PS- Stay tuned. More stories are forthcoming with no desparate pleas to purchase my book.