Tag Archives: Peyton Manning

My Super Bowl Recap 2014

If you are a Peyton Manning fan, then that Super Bowl was not for you.

If you are a funny commercial fan, then that Super Bowl was not for you.

If you are a Phillip Seymore Hoffman fan, then that Sunday was not for you (along with some of the writing that follows here).

So I was with my family watching the Broncos completely fall apart.  But at least the commercials were amusing—not so much.  In years passed, I typically update my Facebook status while watching the Super Bowl and its commercials.  This year was no different.  This morning, when I reviewed my posted statuses, I noticed that not a single one singled out the “funny” commercials.

Without further ado, here is a Super Bowl recap via my Facebook status updates:

Wait a minute.  I still have a little “ado” left.  I had to look up the word “ado” to make sure I was using it properly.  Ado is defined as “bustling activity; fuss; bother; delay”.  So yes, all is well.  I now have no more “ado” so we can, in fact, continue.

The morning of Super Bowl Sunday brought us the news of the death of a Hollywood actor.

‘If you are waiting for Philip Seymour Hoffman to come to your Super Bowl party, umm, well this is awkward…’

I posted that because Mr. Hoffman apparently accidentally killed himself with drugs.  Perhaps this was insensitive to his surviving loved ones.  It probably was.  But really, I was just trying to look out for those Super-Bowl-partying people who were counting on him to bring his crock-pot filled with that awesome chicken-cheese dip that he was known for.  I mean, those poor people.  How dry their mouths must have been after eating dipless chips.

Besides, his loved loves don’t read my blog.  If they do, they never bother to push like or leave a comment.  So, whatever.

The game was kicked off by Phil Sims escorting Joe Namath to the coin flip to determine who would be declared the winner of the Super Bowl.  Seriously, using the coin flip to determine the winner would have been far less painful for the broncos.

‘”Phil, I want to kiss you.”, Joe.’

If you don’t understand this reference, just Google “Joe Namath I want to kiss you” and you will no doubt find a clip of a drunken Mr. Namath hitting on a sideline reporter while being interviewed on national television.  Priceless.  I’ll never be able to see Joe without recalling that video segment with sharp clarity in my head.  Completely more entertaining than Sherman’s rant.

The Super Bowl half time show was being advertised weeks in advance to showcase Bruno Mars and the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

“Get ready for the oil and water half time show.”

Can this arrangement be anymore mismatched?  I couldn’t wait…

“Bruno is moving more than Denver’s offense.”

I have to say, Mr. Mars opened with an entertaining number that was enjoyable.  He banged on the drums for awhile and then welcomed the members of Sha-Na-Na onto stage.  They all sung and danced.  It was pleasant.

If you understand the Sha-Na-Na reference, you are old.  To be honest I thought they were all dead by now.  Although, I didn’t see Bowser anywhere?

And then the Red Hot Chili Peppers dropped in on the scene.  I like the Chili Pepper’s music, but trying to mix them in with Bruno’s class and style—not possible.

“I just ate a mars bar with a red hot chili pepper.  It was gross.”

Once again, I’ll note that the commercials this year were basically all forgettable.  Apparently Prince (the old pop star of the 1930’s) was guest starring on some sitcom that I don’t watch.  Many plugs for this comedy show were paid for—each highlighting Prince’s non-balding big hair.  Rogaine has treated him well.

“My 15 year old son just asked, “Who is Prince?”

So now I’m feeling old.  Apparently the sitcom show is not geared toward the 15 year old high school student demographic.

So the Super Bowl game was a one-sided flop with Peyton Manning’s offense struggling to get anything done.  So I signed off of my Facebook time line with one last parting shot.

“Phillip Seymore Hoffman is having a better day than Peyton Manning.  Just saying.”

Note: If you add, “Just saying.”  It can’t be considered inconsiderate.

Buy my book (very popular with the 15 year old high school students).

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Oh Say Did You Hear

With the Olympics in full swing, I found myself in Denver on business travel.  I had dinner at a Friday’s restaurant where I was eating as a “party of one” and trying to take in some Olympic coverage on the television in the background.  However, today was also the opening day for NFL preseason football games.  If perhaps you have been living under a rock, you may not have heard that Peyton Manning will be playing quarterback for the Denver Broncos this season.  A little background for you under-rock dwellers:  Peyton Manning has recovered from several neck surgeries and was picked up by Denver.  Apparently the Olympics was all but forgotten, as the fans in this restaurant had all the televisions tuned to watch Peyton Manning’s first drive as a Denver Bronco.

So the crowd that I ate with was obviously excited about their new quarterback.  The weather at the game was a light drizzle.  Oddly enough, there was an unexpected amount of criticism in the air at the restaurant.  No, not about Peyton.  It was all about the poor girl who was sang the national anthem.  Harsh crowd.

Someone said, “She sounds tone deaf.”  Another critic spoke up with, “She is missing half her notes.”  I also heard, “How did she ever make it to the big leagues?”

Really harsh crowd.  Hey Denver people, lighten up a bit.  Relax.

The young singer was clearly happy to be there, but I found myself chiming in with my own special comments designed to make them realize how critical they were sounding.  “Hey, it’s hard to sing at this level with the rain coming down.  Do you know how hard it is to not fumble a wet microphone?”  And then I added that typical sport fan battle cry, “Wait until next year.  Maybe they’ll draft some real back-up singers.”

That’s kind of funny, isn’t it?  Not really.  You should have seen the looks I received.  I went silent, tucked my tail between my legs, and started crawling back to Cincinnati.

Hey, how come the Peyton Manning bobble-head doll didn’t take off after his neck surgeries?

Buy my bobbling harsh book!