Tag Archives: shopping

Maturity for Sale

I like being witty, being that funny guy, and getting people to laugh.  I really enjoy making people smile.  My teenage children recently asked me if I will ever mature into an adult.  “Come on Dad, are you ever going to grow up?  Are you sure you’re even an adult?”  I took it is a complement, but I could be wrong.  They would be totally bummed out if my humor dried up just because I turned into a mature grown man.

The scenario was still on my mind as I was on my way home from work.  I have just under an hour drive to place of employment.  I was buzzing down the highway watching the exits fly; my mind contemplating deep thoughts about what needs to happen to become a mature responsible adult.  And that is when I saw it.

I saw the sign.

I saw what I needed to do.

There was hope for me.

There was a place for me to go to increase my maturity and hang on to my sense of humor at the same time.

Did you know that there is a business that sells items designed to increase your maturity level?  I didn’t.  I was amazed at what I had found.  I stumbled across this little place that I was completely confident that it would change my world.

The owners of this place weren’t being too creative when they selected their name for this extraordinarily helpful little road side shop.  They called their store simply “Adult”.

Yes, it was the perfect store for me and my new desire to become a grownup.  A place where I can purchase products that will increase my maturity.  I pulled my car up to the door.  Already I can feel an excitement in the pit of my stomach.  Is this what mature people feel all the time?  I have to be careful here.  If my goal is to enhance my maturity while maintaining my sense of humor, I must proceed with caution and not to buy too much “Adult” product at one time.

Well I threw the car into park and charged into the shop.  I was a little surprised at what I saw.  I meandered up and down the aisles checking out the items for sale that would help change me into a mature adult.  I really couldn’t understand how these products were going to help me become a more serious adult, but this was an “Adult” store.  So clearly, they know what they are doing here.  I kept an open mind and continue to browse.

So, you want me to put this in where?  I really don’t think that will help my goals.  Are you sure?

I didn’t try that approach.  Instead I looked into their self-help DVDs.

Their self-help DVDs really took a strange approach.  Sure, the people in these videos had an interesting grasp on “self help”, but the methodology just didn’t seem like a match for my objective.

I left the so-called “Adult” store without finding what I needed, disappointed, and confused.  I went in looking for a new level of maturity, a new sense of wisdom, and I exited the store with nothing that would help.

But you should see my new wardrobe.

Buy my mature books.

Web Site Coupons

You know what really fires up the voices in my head?

No?  Well that’s a good thing, because if you did know that would mean that you were able to read my thoughts.  And if that were the case, I would be spending the rest of this blog explaining to you that I didn’t actually insult you because I didn’t actually say anything out loud.  It’s not an insult if it stays in my head, right?  And besides, that shirt looks nice on you.

Let’s get back on track.

You’ll find more and more often on web sites that sell stuff a box asking the question “Do you have a coupon?” or even more demanding, “Enter your money-saving code here”.

Well I don’t have one of your precious little coupon codes.  I think I would like one though.  Tell me little “cart checking out” web page, where would I have received this wonderful coupon of savings?  Hello?  Hello?  Oh, I see.  You’re not capable of answering that question.  Silent treatment, huh?

What if there is no coupon code in existence?  What if it’s just me that this website wants to charge full price?  Maybe when someone else reaches their checkout moment, it’ll post a “20% savings automatically included” in that nifty coupon code text box of dreams.

I usually punch the words “bite me” in the coupon box—typing perhaps a little bit too dramatically.

The insulted web site often responds with “Inappropriate coupon code”.

And I smile, because that’s exactly what I was going for.

Buy my book (No coupon available anywhere).