Tag Archives: weather

I Scream for Warmth

It’s that time of the year.  The temperature is dropping and the windshield is frosted over in the mornings.  Someone please remind me why I haven’t cleaned up the garage so that my car will fit once again.  This morning I couldn’t find my windshield scraper, so I used my driver’s license.

My son had a baseball game yesterday and it was simply painful to sit and watch.  It was freezing outside and the children were running the bases like a frozen river.  You see, frozen rivers don’t actually run.  Because they are frozen.  Like ice.  Ice that doesn’t run.

And then out of nowhere, the ice-cream truck shows up.  Music playing and trolling for customers.  Seriously.  I figure there can only be a couple of reasons.  One possibility is that the owner of this wonderful business still has inventory that he really needs to sell before turning off the refrigerator-on-wheels for the season.  A second possibility is that he hasn’t kidnapped his quota of children for the season yet.  I think the hunting license allows you to get up to seven children per season.

Perhaps the owner no longer has the ability to feel the cold weather because he is working in a refrigerator.  Perhaps he is simply brain damaged—one too many bomb-pops.

After a thorough discussion with my children, we came to realize something very important.  We believe the public should be informed.  This is what we learned:  Based on the appearance of the owner of this ice-cream truck, ice-cream actually causes tattoos.  Apparently hanging around ice-cream all day causes artwork to bleed ink up and down your arms.  It must be some kind of reaction that the body goes through while seeking warmth.

Although more research is needed, we also believe that ice-cream might also lead to missing teeth.  Not just one or two.  Typically, it leads to one or two remaining teeth.

Buy my books dipped in chocolate crunch.

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