Why are you here?

I haven’t updated this blog for more than a year.

So I need an explanation on how am still getting five to ten visitors per week.

Clearly the world is packed full of people that have way too much time on their hands.

So tell me — why are you here?  What were you looking for?  You know I’m not going to pay you, right?

Blog Info

In our last episode, we were left hanging on the edge of our seats watching Marcus as he plummeted off the edge of creativity and was cascading viciously toward a rock solid enormous chunk of writer’s block.  Totally out of control, today’s episode begins with Marcus throwing in the towel, and summarizing some of his blog statistics—a feat that he swore to himself that he would never result in doing.

“Crap, I’m really going to do it”, said Marcus with a completely defeated look on his face.

My blog passed by the ten thousand hit mark recently.  Impressive?  Yes, it is very impressive that I managed to visit my own page about five thousand times.

The most visits in a one day period totaled 230 visitors.  And I was only one of them!

Alright, maybe I was thirty of them.

Or forty.

To date, my blog has been viewed in 82 countries.  The top three being: the USA, the United Kingdom, and Canada.  Far down the list is Morocco.  Proving once again that Moroccoians love Marcus.

To date I have had 1171 comments left by people reading my blog entries.  And I thank each and every one of you for ensuring me that I’m not just blogging to myself.  Thanks!  Since I strive to always respond to each comment left by all you awesome blog readers , it means that I’ve only actually had 585.5 comments from actual readers.  The other half of the count comes from my own response comments.  This leaves me wondering, who left me the half of comment?  Or perhaps someone left me a quarter of a comment and I responded with a quarter of a response.  I don’t remember doing that.  I can’t image myself not finishing my complete train of

WordPress, the host of my blog, provides statistics on what search engine terms people have used that led them to my blog.  By far (like by a whole bunch), the term “crossing the street” is the most frequent search term.  A good long while ago, I wrote a piece about geese crossing the street.  It was amusing I thought.  Then, later, I wrote a follow on piece detailing the anonymous nasty-gram I got for being “cruel to animals”.  My point being, I understand how the search for “crossing the street” might lead you to my blog, however, I can’t understand the train of thought that possesses someone to ask Google for information pertaining to the task of crossing the street.  And it’s not just one person, in fact, its many people.  To date, there have been over sixty-five variations of “crossing the street” searches that resulted in people visiting my blog.  For example, “crossing the street”, “cross the street”, “crossing the road”, and my personal favorite “crossing the street without looking”.  What information are these people trying to coax out of Google that they couldn’t figure out on their own?  Basically you need to look both ways and then proceed when there appears to be the lowest possibility of bodily harm.

Is there the possibility of the existence of groups of people out there trapped on their property because they don’t own a computer?  These tormented people having no access to Google in order to assist them with the daunting task of street crossing.  There must be people who walk down their driveways, get to the end, become confused with the change from sideway to roadway, stare mystified into the void of the car dwelling space, throw their hands up, and run back in the house in an absolute dumfounded stupor.

They’re out there.

Buy my book from the same side of the street that you’re on.

Blog Awards

I am completely flattered and amused when other bloggers “nominate” my blog for an “award” each and every time it happens.  I’m truly pleased that these people are enjoying my blog.  Does everyone understand that?  I really do appreciate you reading and enjoying my writings.  Really!

However, when I looked into the “award” I quickly came to realize that it is just a fun thing to do for other bloggers.  In doing so, both the nominated blog and the nominating blogger’s blog will get a little bit more publicity if the rules of the award are adhered to.  I get it.  We all want more people to visit our blogs.  I find myself looking at the traffic number of my blog often.  Too often, in fact.

The following is an example of the typical rules of the blog awards (The Versatile Blogger, One Lovely Blog Award, The Sunshine Award, etc).

1. Add the award to your blog.
2. Thank the blogger who gave it to you and include a link to their blog.
3. Mention 7 random things about yourself.
4. List the rules.
5. Nominate 15 other bloggers and let them know about the award.

Let’s discuss, shall we?

1. The award itself is a picture—a happy little picture with the award name displayed in an easily readable fashion.  Cute.  I’ve seen them on many other blogs that I enjoy.

2.  The requirement to thank the nominating person should not need to be stated as a rule.  I always punch in a thank-you response to the comment from the nominating person’s message.  I do so, because I am touched by their action.  If you need to be told to say thank-you, it probably isn’t coming from your heart.  “Now son, tell your Great Grandmother thank you for the nickel.”  “Oh yeah, thanks.”

3.  I should then mention seven random things about myself.  My blog is about myself.  My stories are usually about things and situations that I have encountered.  If you have read some of my entries, you already know “things” about me.

4.  List the rules.  Ok.  See above.  Done.

5.  Nominate 15 other bloggers.  Really?  Wow, that’s a lot.  Suddenly, I feel that this award that I have been nominated for just might be a little watered down.  Again, I’m still flattered, but how many other awards have this kind of requirement attached to them.  “And the Oscar goes to {fill in your name} as long as he gives away 15 Oscars to other people.”

I understand that this is just supposed to be fun.  I even have that “I’m a party pooper” feeling as I’m typing this.  It’s just that I don’t think we actually are creating an award, but rather Blog Spam.  Maybe I can coin a new term: Blam.  Hey, maybe I can start a new award called “The Blam Award”.

1. Add the Blam Award picture to your blog.  Make sure you use the full 25 megabyte gif picture.
2. You should have already thanked the nominating person.  If you didn’t, you suck.
3. Talk about stuff on your blog like you already have been doing.
4. List the rules.  Make up as many extra rules as you feel.
5. Nominate 1035 other blogs and Blam their “about” page with this info.

Ok, I’m done being an ungrateful punk.

Thanks for nominating me again!

Buy my book or I’ll Blam your blog!